When you are ready to change the way you parent it begins with awareness – the awareness of what is working, and what is not.
Do you see yourself in any of these parents?
The passive-aggressive parent, full of expectations and ‘shoulds’ when it comes to their adolescent.
The “I’ll do it” parent who is silently resentful and eventually explodes, only to feel guilty about having exploded and makes up for the explosion by once again doing it all.
The friend parent – with no expectations, no boundaries because it’s just easier that way.
The “my-way-or-the-highway” parent, with a set of non-negotiable rules designed to control your adolescent.
The overly anxious parent constantly wondering how it could all go wrong.
The negotiator parent who listens to what their adolescent wants talks with them about what they need and makes an agreement that both of you stick to.
The boundary-conscious parent who models excellent self-care and respect for boundaries.
Be curious, do you see your own parents in any of these parents? If you do, are you copying any of their patterns?
It’s all about awareness.
Awareness is your beginning.
When you are aware of your patterns, the most important decision you will make is how you change your responses. Pick the responses that work and progress is easy. Pick the automatic reactions (embedded from your childhood) and life will stay the same.
As you add understanding:
- Of where you are coming from
- Why your parenting identity is how it is
It becomes much easier to grow your knowledge of how showing up in the way you do affects your adolescent.
This knowledge gives you the ability to walk in their shoes. To grow your connection with them.
And when you connect, you have a much better chance of being able to correct.
The ultimate form of parenting is when you walk beside them with love. Knowing they will come to you when they need you.
In my experience, when you change your parenting identity the way you relate to your adolescents will change too.
It’s one thing to say “I’m the parent who wants this.”
It’s something very different to say “I’m the parent who is this.”
When you are ready to parent with intention, click here to book a complimentary short call with Melanie.