Suddenly you have a teenager in the house and parenting them is a bit like shifting sand. You take a big handful, lift it up and move it across to another place, only to find there’s just a small amount left when you open your hands. 

When you’re parenting your young person you spend all this time with them, talking and negotiating boundaries, only to have them flagrantly ignored (or sneakily adjusted) when they are out and about with their friends, or when your back is turned.

The social media contract which has been a hotly debated piece of paper in the family now becomes useless when you see just what they’ve been up to online – unless you’re prepared to police every minute of their activity. 

We will be activated by our teenagers and this is a good thing. When our tweens, teens, and adolescents push our buttons, it means they have activated our values.

You know about your values  – how they used to be, and you can see your teen figuring out their values by patterning off yours. Only, they behave one way at home and another way with their friends. Which means their values aren’t aligned. Within the core of their identity, things keep shifting. 

The main problems are:

  1. Your values are old, rusty, and limply unexamined.
  2. Your teenager is biologically programmed to push against you.
  3. This is your golden opportunity to deeply influence them and you are missing it.

What are Values?

Our values are our subconscious beliefs, the ideals which we come back to as drivers for our lives. They are the things we hold to be true (for us). 

Why are they Important?

Our values influence every decision we make. They are like an open software programme that runs automatically in the background of our lives. 

How do Values Strengthen our Parenting?

The more clarity you can bring to your teen about your own values, the easier it is to read you. Your teen feels safer with you because you are more predictable. You are understandable. 

Teaching your teen to find their values is powerfully aligned parenting. They begin to understand themselves a whole lot more, making it easier for you to read them and understand them. 

Untangling conflicts of values is so much easier when you know just what it is you are untangling. 

How often do you take the time to examine your values, especially when it comes to parenting? We inherit so many of the ways we parent, it makes sense we have inherited some (or a lot) of their values too.  

What has stopped you from working through your values? 

  1. I’m too busy
  2. I don’t have enough energy
  3. I don’t have any spare time
  4. I have no idea where to start
  5. This isn’t important

And are you on the same page as your partner when it comes to your parenting values? Not only does this strengthen your parenting, it also strengthens your relationship.

Book in for a clarity call today at This investment of time and money will give you powerful changes you can make when it comes to setting yourself up to be an effective parent to your tween, teen, or adolescent.