You ever notice how easy it is to focus on the things your young person does that are wrong?

In your brain, you’re muttering away, with a list of complaints …

  • There are breadcrumbs on the bench.
  • The washing machine has their washing left in it.
  • It’s their turn to empty the dishwasher and you have to remind them, again!
  • Where they park their car makes it harder for you to park your car.

All the complaints are about such little things. 

And there you are, grumbling away. Maybe out loud. Maybe in your own head.

The thing is, all that negativity colours your relationship. 

It’s a basic scientific principle – like attracts like. 

Think about how people with a good sense of humor always have something funny happening to them. Dramatic people always seem to be caught up in some drama. And (here we are!), complainers seem to attract more negativity.

The explanation behind this is that energy follows attention. Where your attention goes, the energy flows. 

So, what about the right?

Your tween, teen, or adolescent does lots of things right. It’s just that you may not be as good at noticing them. 

The fastest way to turn your relationship around is to start noticing the things they do that are useful, helpful, funny, and right. 

And even better: notice them out loud. 

“I appreciate you for …”

“Thank you for …”

“It’s so cool that you …”

Then watch your relationship change. One blessing at a time. 

You’ll find the things that annoy you drop away when you’re not focusing on them. 

If you choose to give them your attention in a deliberate let’s-get-this-sorted kind of a way, that’s awesome. Follow this link as your next step. 

If you have a daily niggle you’re not choosing to address, I encourage you to put your energy into creating a relationship with your young person that’s positive. 

Address the niggle. 

Then move on.

Giving the negative your attention brings you more negatives, and giving the positive more attention brings you more positives. 

Which will you choose?