When you’re a parent, you’re a leader. 

We’re all leaders. Not the in-the-public-eye, have far too much to say type. We all have our own style of leadership. The way of being that works for us. We’re a leader of ourselves. And then we’re a leader of our family. 

We know we’re a leader because we realise the things we say and do make a difference. 


  • Set the tone of our household
  • Teach our rangatahi how to show up in the world
  • Model dealing with disappointment
  • Share our values
  • Use routines that work

It doesn’t matter that we’ve never aspired to be a leader. When we become a parent, we become a leader. Our leadership affects our rangatahi, even though – and especially when – they’d love to pretend it doesn’t. The way we lead ourselves and the way we lead our family impacts how our rangatahi show up in the world. The things we do and say, every day, count. 

Great parents don’t expect to have life running 100% their way, 100% of the time. Being an effective parent means being quick to spot an area of conflict; it’s called being proactive. They’ll listen to the other parts of their family and work to find a resolution everyone owns. A resolution that meets the boundaries and expectations they put in place yet still allows for individual responsibility, initiative, and growth. 

A key difference between being an effective parent and an ineffective parent is the ability to set expectations. To not be afraid of conflict, even to call it in as something we welcome and embrace. When things aren’t working we’re quick to call it out, “Hey, this isn’t working. What can we do about it?” 

This means responding positively and keeping the focus on everyone winning. At the end of the day, we need buy-in. Life is so much easier when the routines and expectations we enforce are backed by values we believe in. 

Together, we are family. A great family starts with you, a parent who is a leader. And that’s what our rangatahi need most. A parent who is a leader. 

Going back to school and showing up in the world with their best selves on is the side effect and reward of all your hard work. Start now. Have the conversations that count. 

Since you’re going to be talking anyway, and you want to make those conversations count, head over to www.beautifulconversations.co.nz/coaching and book yourself in for an introductory kōrero to discover if coaching with Melanie is the most useful next step for you.