Everything passes. 

We know that. We understand that. 

Teenagers don’t.

They need an adult who is their brain whisperer. 

Human brains are set to fight, flight or freeze. They are constantly on alert, scanning for danger. 

Brain whispering happens when you deliberately insert an intention as a new default setting. An intention that gives your teenager something positive to scan for. It is as simple as, “Does this bring me peace?” or “Can I feel joy?”

We can no longer solve the problems our adolescents carry. We can only guide them, support them and step back to let them solve it. 

Our rangatahi need unconditional love as they look for a sense of purpose. They may experience intense anxiety as they struggle to work this out. The sense of responsibility for the rest of their lives can be overwhelming. Especially if it feels to them that everyone else has a sense of purpose, and they don’t. 

Our job is to love them while they figure it out. To guide them through the challenges of finding their purpose. To teach them, it’s a process, not a happening. And to know it’s definitely not a timeline. 

Thank you David Kirk for this statement on youth suicide. The more we talk about it, and bring it into the light, the better. 

“One of the scariest things I can possibly think about is youth suicide – the thought that if those young people had got through that time, they would’ve had 50 or more happy years ahead of them. These people are making such a massive mistake. They have that moment where they want to kill themselves, and it’s such a final, definitive act.

One of the overriding drives, from mid-teens onwards, is for personal identity. So many mental health problems clearly cycle back to the fact that someone doesn’t feel as if they have an identity that is distinct, strong, and valuable. If only we could reach these young people and teach them that if they don’t have a clear perspective on themselves or on their future and where they’re heading in life, it’s not atypical for their age group. If they talk to someone and are prepared to accept the perspective of someone else, they will eventually grow past those feelings.” 

David Kirk – former All Black Captain

Parenting is the most important job in the world. It is impossible to be rock your teenager needs if you are unsupported. Be connected as you guide your adolescent to flourish. 

If you are ready to transform your parent/adolescent relationship, then I invite you to be a part of the next ‘Teen Talk’ coaching group. Use this link to book a connection call with me today.