Let’s not overthink things.
I want you to take it one boundary at a time.
So often we are running at life, “Boundaries, what a great idea. I’ll have a boundary here, here, and three over there.”
All very well-intentioned of course, but it’s overkill.
Your family ends up confused, and upset and there are lots of pushbacks.
Which becomes so hard.
It’s super tough to maintain and after an initial flurry you end up giving up.
It’s the equivalent of being on a diet. You start with a hiss and a roar and then by the end of a week, or a fortnight, you find yourself mysteriously somehow off the wagon. Just one ice cream on a Sunday has morphed into a selection in the freezer and a bowl after dinner.
Five tips with Boundaries
- They will be highly personalised – what works for one person (or family) does not necessarily mean it will work for another person (or family). We’re all unique, and this applies to boundaries too.
- You only need a handful – more than five is a waste. Effective boundaries are easy to remember.
- Keep them visible – just like a fence, you need to know a boundary is there where you say it is. Write them on your fridge. Talk about them together. Invisible boundaries are like trip wires, they lead to all kinds of accidents, falls, and fireworks.
- Revise them frequently – they may have worked last year, but that doesn’t mean they’re necessarily going to be useful now.
- Change them if you need to – a boundary that isn’t working is an opportunity to open a discussion with your teenager. And changing them doesn’t automatically mean giving in and loosening up – it may mean the complete opposite.
Setting Boundaries Takes away the Guesswork
When you have clear boundaries, everyone knows where they stand. You end up with much more energy for the things that matter more to you in life.
Boundaries allow you to be you.
A wero
Your challenge – for this week – is to pick one boundary you can see the value in setting.
Just one.
It doesn’t have to be a big boundary.
Step One:
Name it: make it visible. Write it on the fridge. Say, “From now on …. “ and stick to it.
Step Two:
Know your why. What’s the reason for the boundary.
Step Three:
Have some consequences ready.
Step Four:
Just do it.
Step Five:
Stick with it. Be curious about the pushback you receive (or not).
One boundary at a time … you’ve got this.
Click here to see if I am the person to coach you through boundary setting with your rangatahi and set yourself up for success right from the start.