Parenting adolescents is not for the faint of heart. It takes resilience and courage to guide your young person through challenges as they arrive in their adolescent years.
During this time, parenting becomes about breaking the habit of telling them what to do and how to be as our young people gain a firmer hold on the reins of their lives.
Not telling them what to do is hard! After all, we’ve been doing it all their lives. We wonder (or we worry) about their choices of job, partner, friends, eating habits, sleep patterns and we so WANT to say something.
The thing is, unless they ask us, we can’t.
Unsolicited advice is rarely, if ever welcome.
It doesn’t matter how much we love someone, we can’t control them. Have you ever noticed, the more we try to control them, the higher our chances that we won’t be able to control them?
Our adolescents are becoming their own people. Our role is changing from team captain to team cheerleader. We’re now moving to the sidelines of their lives and that’s hard.
It’s truly not where we want to be.
Let’s cut ourselves a bit of slack here – instead of putting our energy into forcing, directing and cajoling, now is a good time to think about and establish self care habits that will support us through this period of change.
# Modelling Healthy Behaviour
Our adolescents may not be listening to us, they are however likely to be watching what we do. When they see us covering off the basics they will be far more likely to cover off the basics themselves.
Maybe not during their teen years, you may have to wait for them to be a bit older and begin to ‘figure things out for themselves’ – that’s code for thinking back to what they saw us doing. It’s always tricky getting this balance right so setting them up with an excellent example will help your adolescents immensely.
# Better Parenting
A parent who is ticking off their own self care boxes and actively looking after themselves is far more likely to be able to show up emotionally balanced, patient and understanding. Our young people need a stable influence in their lives so aim to be the parent who provides just that for your rangatahi (and their mates). When your adolescents know they’re not likely to get a lecture or a comment along the lines of “You should have known better” they will be far more likely to view you as a listening ear when they need it.
# Stress Management
Better self care leads naturally to being calm under pressure AND decreasing the chances of burnout.
We want to be there for the long run with our adolescents and continue to be a source of love, guidance and inspiration. If stress is an issue for you, now is a great time to investigate changing your relationship with it.
Not only does being less stressed reduce your risk of serious long term health consequences, it’s also excellent modelling for your adolescent.
# Being Ourselves
How easy is it to get lost in the identity of being a parent?
Prioritising our own needs, interests and growth sets us up for a full and balanced life that brings more of us to the family. Our kids will remember how happy we were and by pursuing our own interests outside of the family we will automatically bring that happiness back into the family with us.
# Strengthening Family Relationships
Better self care leads to better communication, which in turn builds stronger relationships.
It’s an upward spiral that leads to higher levels of engagement, a happier home and a stronger parent-adolescent bond.
Win-Win! Time invested in growing ourselves is never wasted.
For those of you wanting to up your self care, use this link and book in a complimentary strategy call to discuss strengthening your family connections.