Some adolescents stay at home longer than their siblings. Equally, there is often an adolescent who is keen as mustard to leave the nest and head out when they’re young.
There is no hard and fast rule about a suitable age for your young person to officially leave home. For some adolescents the moment arrives because they’ve chosen to move to another city for tertiary studies. For others, the moment is delayed because they’ve chosen to save their money and are prepared to capitalise on the opportunity to have reasonably priced board or rent.
Either way, having these skills underway will make the transition out of the parental home much easier – for you, for your young person and for their housemates.
# Domestic Skills
So they can keep their new living space habitable your adolescent will need to know how to:
- Cook a few basic meals, including shopping for the ingredients.
- Do their washing.
- Keep their room tidy.
- Contribute to the tidiness and cleanliness of all shared living spaces, like the lounge, bathroom and kitchen.
# Social Skills
Good communication is essential and your adolescent will need to know how to chat with their flatmates as well as new adults in their lives, like their boss, or their rental manager.
Your adolescent will want to be able to negotiate rent payments, dates to pay the bills and how to get shared costs split amongst all their flatmates. It also helps to be able to establish a flatting agreement around cleaning up, behaviour in shared spaces and noise at night (or when they’re studying). This is all about negotiating and being able to create win/win agreements so everyone can get their needs met.
# Budgeting
Our adolescents are often earning lower wages due to their lack of work experience, which makes the ability to budget all their expenses and have some money left over for fun super important.
Ideally they’ll be leaving home with enough money stashed away to be able to cover their bond and any other up front expenses they may be having to splash out on, like buying a bed or a sofa. Don’t forget the cost of moving too, especially if they are changing cities.
If they own their own car, they also need to budget for costs such as insurance, fuel, maintenance and any road user charges plus registration.
# Managing Their Emotions
There is always a lot to think about when it comes to making new friends, being self responsible, solving problems and striking a balance between fun and work all while looking after themselves and getting their basic needs met.
Stress management and the awareness of their emotions are essential skills that your young person will be drawing on.
Don’t underestimate the important soft skills of persistence, resilience and grace. When they hit an inevitable hurdle, how well will your rangatahi manage?
What’s the Best Way for Parents to Support this Transition?
- Start working on the skills above while your young person is still at home. If they have these sorted before they leave home, they will be far more confident going into a new living environment.
- Keep talking! Both before they move out, and after. Young people who stay connected to a trusted adult have a much higher chance of managing this transition time successfully. That means they’ll have more energy to put towards their studies, work, friends and their new environment which really sets them up for a positive start.
- Be positive and supportive of your young person. You may find this a bittersweet time, particularly if this is your last rangatahi to leave. Managing your emotions as you stay available for them can be challenging – stay on top of them and don’t be afraid to take some time out for yourself so you can be proactive about being the best supporter of your young person as possible.
Having your adolescent move out of home may have felt like something that would never happen and all of a sudden it does. One minute they’re home leaving their washing in the drier and treating the floor like a wardrobe, next minute they’ve disappeared!
Be prepared to adjust yourself to this change and be ready to cheer them on from the sidelines. There’s nothing more fantastic than watching your young person flourish and thrive when they’re away from you. This is when your hard work and preparation has paid off.
If this blog has been useful, consider investing in the upcoming webinar – The Flatmate Agreement. Running once only, on August 25 at 10am NZDT this hour will cover the practical aspects of getting your rangatahi ready for their first flatting experience. This is an essential hour full of practical wisdom and useful for parents of tweens, teens and adolescents.