Boundaries work in families because they are all about keeping the good stuff in and the bad stuff out.
They allow us to keep our children safe so we can parent them.
Parenting is not all about control.
An effective parent isn’t one who is solely focused on control of our children.
Effective, proactive parenting is about loving our children and wanting the best for them.
And at the same time, creating a safe space for them to figure out what their best looks like, sounds like, and feels like.
It’s about leaving space for them to surface their needs and become their own people.
Boundaries are the walls of the encircling space we hold.
While a house has physical walls and door locks, a home has value-based boundaries.
And that makes them harder to see.
You may be engaging in a battle of wills with a child who you feel doesn’t respect you. But have you taken the time to talk about respect?
Do you have a shared understanding of what respect
Do you even know yourself?
Or is it something that’s left to chance?
Does it vary according to the time, the place, and the child?
Knowing what sits underneath our why is a parent’s greatest Ali when parenting our rangatahi. Taking the time to proactively explore and create our own values and our family’s values are conversations that make a difference.
The difference between controlling a child and trusting a child. Between raising a child and growing an adult. Between praying for a good outcome and guiding them to a great outcome.
No longer will you be scratching your head trying to work out why something doesn’t feel right … but you can’t quite put your finger on it.
You’ll know why.
And that means you can get to the heart of the matter, faster.