It’s not fun, or even a little bit enjoyable, when you categorise your home life with your adolescent as a war zone. Full of clashes, skirmishes and endless battles. If it’s not one thing, it’s another, right?
You want to change the way you operate for better connections with your adolescent.
When you’re feeling like that it’s a good sign to move into retreat mode:
- Do some reading
- Get some coaching
- Take an online course
- Make a few strategic changes
- Learn to say, “NO”
- Set a few boundaries
Change the way you operate.Never underestimate the value of retreat. You may have lost the last battle; that doesn’t mean the war is over.
A retreat is a strategic withdrawal from an engagement. The reason you are retreating is because you can see that the things you are doing are not working. Itt is time for a rest and a regroup. It’s time to:
- Get some energy.
- Shift your focus.
- Immerse yourself in new ideas.
- Make a new plan
And then return to the family refreshed, renewed and revitalised with a change of tactics.
The tactics are strengthened when you use them to tap into connection. To strengthen the ones that are visible, and to grow new connections that will steer you forward together.
Nature gives parents an advantage – it’s called unconditional love. The sort of love that says, “I see you. I love you. And I’m not buying the rest.”
When they’re little they have that need to look to us, their parents, for connection. As they grow, they have that need to look to their peers for connection. These changes are not personal. They’re simply nature doing it’s job and our children are following their hard wired biological programming as this unfolds.
A savvy parent of teens will work with this change. And learning to be the parent who stays connected to their adolescent while their adolescent is making connections away from the family.
And the best way to do this, the way that speaks straight to their heart, is by stories. Activate the stories that connect. The stories about the things they did when they were little. And the things you did when you were little. The stories that talk about the hard things, as well as the fun times. Stories weave the magic of the spells that bind us. When things are challenging, talk about what a great story this is going to make one day. And ask them, how would they like the ending to be? Weave a story that connects you together and lets you guide them to create their own ending.
Stuck for how to get started? Check out Teen Talk or one-to-one coaching with Melanie and take your adolescent parenting to a whole new level. A level your adolescents will appreciate. After all, a great adolescent makes a great adult.