What happens when your rangatahi are out of your control? When they pretty much run their own lives, and their choices are 100% not what you’d agree with.
You want to step in and stop them.
But you can’t. They either ignore you, lie to you or deliberately flout your rules.
You feel powerless. Ineffective.
Unable to reach them you either:
- Reach a stalemate as you deal with each drama ineffectively and from the back foot
- Kick them out of the house
- Enable their risk-taking behaviour to preserve the shreds of the relationship you have
- Give up completely and hope like hell they make it through the next week/month/year without becoming another teenage statistic
You look for another pathway.
Where you have come to is not working
This place of distrust is unhealthy for everyone. Not only is your rangatahi at risk, so too are you.
Your health will be suffering as you work through this unanticipated and unwelcome turn of events. Stress takes its toll in many ways. Exhaustion and overwhelm are only the beginning.
For the health and wellbeing of all you hold dear I encourage you to think about this quote and how it applies to your situation:
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein
Believe it or not, and despite our best intentions, we have contributed to the place we find ourselves in. And this isn’t a right or wrong scenario. Having our rangatahi go “off the rails” isn’t something anyone chooses deliberately.
It’s not what we pictured when we held our beautiful babies for the first time. And it’s a scary place for them too, with no parent to guide them effectively. Right now, everyone is losing.
Ruminating on past choices and blaming others puts us firmly into victimhood which makes us ineffective. Excuses don’t cut it.
When your rangatahi is on a downward spiral and watching helplessly from the sidelines is ineffective and disempowering for everyone. Right now, no one is winning.
How can I interrupt this downward spiral?
What makes us effective comes from this quote:
“If You Always Do What You’ve Always Done, You’ll Always Get What You’ve Always Got.” ~ Henry Ford.
And asking ourselves, what can I do differently?
- What would it look like?
- How would it sound?
- How would it feel?
At the heart of the matter, here is this truth: your rangatahi won’t begin to change until you do.
The way in which you guide them through this adolescent storm counts, 100%. It is time for you to step up and move towards being the change you want to see in your family.
Being this person, the one who says, “This ain’t working” doesn’t make you wrong. It makes you brave. Brave enough to put a line firmly in the sand, stand on it with your hands on your hips and say, “Taihoa. Enough.”
Your rangatahi need you to parent with love, compassion, and boundaries. And the further off course they are, the bigger the gap will get.
It’s time to be the parent they need you to be.
Take your first step by registering today for this paid workshop on the ‘Roadblocks to Communication’ being run on Friday, April 1 at 9.30 am.
We’ll be taking a deep dive into the reasons our relationship with our rangatahi is no longer effective.
With this awareness comes your first step to lasting, effective change.